apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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