Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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