i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
