i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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