I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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