I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
