Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
