I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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