There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize