I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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