I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
