last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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