I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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