The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
