For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
