her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
