so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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