I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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