he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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