your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
