Only a mothe r could love this liver
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
