Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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