I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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