So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
