hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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