I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
