i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You need Xanax blowdarts
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
