dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A+ Viking dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize