thus making me awesome and them whores
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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