my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
