I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
