I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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