check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize