I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
