I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
