No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
