I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize