i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
