so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
