and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
