sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
