"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My penis needs a shock collar
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
