I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize