She is in my trunk
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
