It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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