i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Duck Duck Cougar?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
