Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
