Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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