I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
