Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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