she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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