so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
