im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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