My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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