You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize