How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
