I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
