i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
