He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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