Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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