That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
