My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
