I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
