I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
