so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
