I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
