Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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