I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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