oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
