He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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