So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
