it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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