I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
