Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
