i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
