all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
